Thursday, October 6, 2016

A Life Changed

well i am currently on my third month since quitting my big girl corporate job and so much has changed in just two months. for one thing, i am the most happiest i have ever been! i got a new [way less stressful] job that i fall in love with more and more everyday. a job that also allows me time [and energy] to do things that i love doing. and on top of all of that i get to marry my best friend in just a month. seriously it feels incredible to be happy most all of the time. my unhappiness [and the stress] from my old job was really weighing me down. it was making me into a person that i am not supposed to be. an unhappy person. it really weighed down on my personal life to where i could not see all the good things i currently had. 2016 has been a crazy year for me. there's been so many ups and downs but all those ups and downs have brought me to where i am today. 
so instead of just going on and on about just how much my life has changed this year i thought i would show you with quotes i have had saved on my phone since the beginning of this year. any time i would feel down on myself about something that would occur at my old job i would look up quotes to make me feel better about the situation. or i would come across a quote on someone else's page and would screen shot it. just anytime i was feeling down that's what i did to cope. because if i am finding quotes that are saying exactly what i'm feeling then that means that someone out there also has been through it too. it made me feel not so alone. but now? there are no more bad quotes filling my phone. i can delete those and make room for all the happy quotes i see that tell me in my heart that i am on the right path. it feels good to be happy with my path. 

first i want to share a few things that i had written during the bad part of this year. i also posted some things on my instagram that i felt [at the time] obligated to post about, cause that's the way i was feeling. and now i know that was God getting my new path in place. if that makes any sense.
this is a post i wrote, talking about barry for the first time and how great he made me feel. i wanted to feel like that all the time. i wanted to be free from the heavy cement that was holding me under. that drastic change i needed to make was quitting my job. i was terrified to have to do that. but i did it and i am free from the cement. i can grow and not have anything holding me back. i am free to be who i want to be. who God wants me to be.
it is not longer a day dream. my life is completely different because i was brave enough to do what i thought i could not do. i am living that day dream. and i get to live it every single day now. 

this whole paragraph just describes exactly how i felt right before quitting. i know a lot of people wanted me to just "stick it out" because that's what they would've done. but that's just not me. i was unfulfilled. and i refused to let that just be it for me. i am better than that job. i have more things going for me now then i did while being stuck at it. my job became an obligation. it was not something i wanted and i am so very proud of myself for taking the huge leap to change that obligation into well, into freedom. 
i posted this in 2013. i didn't really quite get the quote until this year though. probably because i was already lost in 2013. i mean the last 4 years have been hard for me. because of that job. i did lose myself. but i have found myself and along the way learned who i am truly supposed to be.
may of last year was very hard for me. i was having panic attacks constantly and i liked a guy who definitely didn't like me back as much as i liked him. turns out that place does exist and i am living in it right now. my heart is very full and my soul has someone who finally understands it and wants to embrace it with his own. 
i was starting to understand in january that my job was not what i was supposed to be doing. obviously i knew in my heart that something else was out there for me. i just hadn't figured it out yet.
in may of this year, things got excruciatingly hard for me. i was confused and went home every day and cried because i just did not know what to do. i am so glad that i DO know what i am supposed to be doing and it definitely wasn't what i was doing in may. i am so glad i don't get off work everyday now and am too physically and mentally tired to do the things i want to do. i have the power now to say my life is not a big "i don't know" anymore. 
i posted this four days before officially quitting my job. i had no idea what i was going to do after quitting but i did not care. i knew i was stuck somewhere i just didn't belong and i was determined to change that. may, june and july really really proved that i could no longer be pushed around by a job i no longer loved. 
posted the day i quit. i definitely ran to my new beginning with open arms, an open mind and an open heart. this new beginning has been the best i could ever have dreamed for. life since quitting has just gotten better and better. i can't think God enough for the right timing and for giving me the will to move forward. 

now below are just a few quotes i felt while being stuck, while figuring out how to become unstuck and then finally breaking free to a new life filled with happy people and great opportunities.
OLD JOB QUOTES:
i was so misunderstood.
this is TOO true.

DURING THE PROCESS OF QUITTING

SINCE STARTING MY NEW LIFE
it is so good to work and be around people who do not stress me out.
he has opened so many doors for me in just two months and no one can shut them BUT me.
i feel this every single day now.
and i have already grown so much! i am more confident in myself, i'm learning to fill my life with positive people only, i love my jobs, i am finally creating again, i have more time for stuff i used to not have time for and i am just an all around happier person. i don't have any worries. i don't cry before going to work. [i look forward to it actually] i know in my heart that God isn't through with me yet. my heart is open to new things. not only am i working at the salon, and crafting on the side but i have been given the opportunity to serve someone who is very important to me. that's the gift God gave me, is serving others. and i can't thank God enough for setting this plan in motion from the very beginning. my sister not only owns a salon but she is a wife, and a mother, and on top of those three crazy busy things she also sells usborne books. and she doesn't just sell books she is a leader the head honcho to over 500 different girls who are also selling usborne books. that means she has 4 different [very different] jobs that she is responsible for. how does she do it? i am not really sure. well recently, she asked me for help! can you believe that? she asked her little sister who was content with just working the front desk at her salon to help her with all the stuff that was just kinda falling through the cracks. it feels so good that she reached out to ME her younger sister to help her with all kinds of things that she just doesn't have time to do. i have done everything from laundry to dishes, running lots of errands, making her family's dinner, packing her house and helping her move, to just even entertaining her kids. i looked up what this job description would be and i keep coming across this occupation. i couldn't be happier with my new job and my new life. i know it's exactly what God had planned for me all along. because i'm good at it! that kind of domesticy stuff may seem lame to some but i enjoy doing it and love that i get to help someone who truly needs it. and who honestly, is a bit bad at asking for help. my sis and i have unfortunately never been tight. but in just these two months our friendship has grown and i can't even type this without tearing up about it. plus i know this gives me the opportunity to one day serve others as i am serving her. it may not be glamorous but it makes me happy and satisfied to finally have a job i care so much about. i love the path that is set before me. and i no longer have to grow in the crack in the sidewalk. i am free from the pain of not being good enough. I AM GOOD ENOUGH. I AM WANTED BY PEOPLE WHO WANT AND NEED ME. I AM GOING TO BE A GREAT WIFE TO MY SOON TO BE HUSBAND. life is going great. i couldn't ask for better. now let's just pray these weeks up to the wedding will be smooth sailing. i'll be honest, i'm looking forward to november 12th [when we leave for our honeymoon] more than anything else. 
+++
well it is thursday and we are just a few days away from the weekend. i have to work tomorrow till three and then i'm off on saturday. and then ON SUNDAY i have my bridal shower. i have been looking forward to it since barry and i went and registered last month. i really hope we get lots of stuff that we so dearly need. uh like pots and pans, silverware, plates and cups that match and new plush towels. just to name a few things we really want. 
i'll admit i am feeling pretty puny today. my stomach is really hurting as well as a tooth that i keep putting off on getting fixed. i woke up at 4am this morning doing the opposite of throwing up and i have felt like shit ever since. all i wanted to do was sleeeeeeep! and now my tooth hurts on top of that. ohhh my poor little body. hopefully i will sleep better tonight and get an appointment made soon to get this stupid tooth taken care of once and for all. 
last thing, barry and i recently watched this movie and we really really got into it.
if you're looking for a good suspenseful movie, watch this one. 
well, that's all i have for today. i just took some advil, hoping this tooth headache i feel coming on will chill soon. i got 2 hours left here at work and i really don't want to do it in this much pain. BUT my sister just trimmed my bangs and waxed my eyebrows so that definitely lifted my spirits. i'm just hoping my stomach will chill out until i get home. i don't want to have to put an out of order sign on the bathroom door. ha! well, i hope your life has been going just as good as mine has. i am so looking forward to sunday, to getting my bridal portraits done and engagement pictures taken, and to the end of this month for my bachelorette party at my lake house. i have lots of fun plans for october!
do you have any exciting october plans?
"we're raising a kid together. we have this house together. this is just part of it. look, having somebody help you doesn't mean that you failed. it just means you're not in it alone."
[life as we know it]

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