Friday, January 29, 2016

A lot has happened. A lot has changed.

remember me? i used to be a blogger, but seeing as i haven't blogged in 7 months, i don't think i would consider myself that anymore. i actually don't think i ever considered myself a real blogger. but that's okay. i wanted to update this little space of mine on all the amazing things that have happened to me. i can finally truly say, that i'm happy with my life. so happy that it's actually worth blogging about.

please let me share with you.

1. i started growing my hair out. i've always wanted to do locks of love and i've decided it's now or never. it's almost passed my shoulders. and no, i want to do actual locks of love. i'm not going to take the easy way out and go with pantene just because their length requirement is two inches shorter. go big or go home is what i always say; course in this case, go long or go home make more sense.

2. we sold our sweet-little-teeny-tiny-paper-thinned-walled lake house. but my parents found an even bigger house right across the lake. hopefully my bedroom will be the furthest away from everyone. i know it's a family lake house, but my family tends to like me better when i've had a peaceful night's sleep.

3. i made my last payment EVER on my jeep wrangler! and man, keeping that $200 in my bank account each month makes me feel like a millionaire. not really though, more like a thousandaire. but, still.

4. my sissy and i threw a baby shower honoring our new niece, attie mae. my anxiety levels shoot through the roof when i host parties at my house. other people's houses, hell i'm game to help host. so at least my homemade pink lemonade cupcakes with homemade frosting were a huge hit. well, i mean, duh, homemade frosting is the perfect way to distract the guests from seeing the dust bunnies that have cultivated an army under my sofa. 
wreath i made for the front door.

5. and then, ATTIE MAE WAS BORN. she arrived to this bright cruel fascinating world on june 19th. i would tell you all her stats, but let's be for reals, you don't care about how many inches long she was. if you do care, then you're family so you already know all that jazz. 
i think she looks like me. that's not favoritism, that's just facts. or favoritism, you choose.

6. i started dating someone. 
that's big red and barry. the large truck is big red, and that very handsome man in the middle is Barry.

7. my family went to the beach this summer. 
i mostly read and hung out by myself. i'm looking forward to the vacations where we do something other than sit around and eat. the last two beach trips have been to remote areas...i want to go to branson! or disney world! heck, i'd even be okay with six flags. 

8. my sister and brother in law announced that they are adopting a sweet little one from china. his name is mason! they made a video to share with friends and family about how they made the decision to adopt. i basically bawled my eyes out watching it like i was watching the final scene of toy story 3.
gary and kat made these cool tshirts to sell to help raise money for the adoption.

9. barry and i officially became boyfriend and girlfriend. we have been together about seven months and i can wholeheartedly say that i truly do love him. he's exactly who i want in my life at all times, no matter what. 
even when he is snoring.
for the longest time i had a silly little list of rules i would follow when dating. and one day, i found a guy that fit every criteria for my list. but it just wasn't enough for me. i wasn't happy like i thought i would feel when i met the man who made the cut. that's when i realized my list was just things. trivial things that when i had it all in front of me i realized, whoa this isn't enough. there's something missing. i need someone who has emotional and mental attributes that i need. i knew if he had those then chances are he's going to be a pretty stable guy, even if he doesn't live in his own house or drive a super nice car. 
one thing i knew i wanted was a man who made me his priority. someone who would show me how to love more than i ever thought was possible. someone who would bring me up on the days that i get to feeling low. someone who lets me vent when i am angry, but yet, knows exactly how to calm me down. someone who is sensitive and not afraid to show it. someone who is a family man with a family who will accept me for who i am. someone who is excited to go to church and isn't just going to make me happy; someone to hold me accountable and get me up on the sundays i don't want to get out of bed. someone i can have fun with and share similar interests and activities. someone i can be proud to love and proud to love me back in spite of all my faults. i knew i didn't want some silly physical list anymore; what i wanted was a coach, a fan and a teammate. 
someone who will coach me through things and teach me new things as well. someone who will be a fan of me; who will be proud of me and cheer me on. and lastly a teammate, someone i can go through life with; someone who has my back. once i became aware of what i really wanted and truly needed in a relationship i decided to finally say yes to my coworker, barry who had been asking me to hang out for a few weeks. i knew a bit about his background and he would never had made the official cut on my old, vain, stupid list but something kept telling me there was something more to this older and wiser man. and wow it feels like i just blinked and here we are seven months down the road talking about where we want to live and loving every minute of each other's lives. 
time really does fly not only when you are having fun, but also when your are happy, too. it just feels SO WONDERFUL to be happy. i cannot remember a time, ever, that i have felt this way. i don't think i realized just how sad i had become. it was weighing me down so much that is was starting to affect those around me. and even worse, not one single person understood. it is hard for someone who has never experienced abundant loneliness to understand. yes, i have lived a 'pleasant, privileged, posh' life but when you are lonely none of those things ever fill the void. i was excruciatingly unhappy. now that unhappiness is breaking. it's like i've gotten rid of the dark hiding place i would run to every time i felt undeserving. barry doesn't make me feel unworthy. he makes me feel special. a kind of special feeling i have never felt before. when i am with him i cannot hold in my happiness. it bursts out of me like a flower that grows in a crack in the sidewalk. i want to feel like this all the time. unfortunately, there's still a few things in my life that don't make me feel like that flower in the sidewalk. i want to be that flower all the time. and in order to remain that flower that grows in the sidewalk, i am terrified that i am going to eventually need a drastic change to my life. but i'd much rather live in that sidewalk crack then beneath the rough, cold cement. and with hope, prayers and a little faith, that flower will be brave enough to grow in a field where she will always be free from the cement.

10. my brother and sister in law announced that they are pregnant again.
this one will be a boy. john randle, j.r. for short. yep 3 babies all under the age of two. to each their own, but i would be nervous. or nervously breaking down. everyone is pretty excited and we know he will be just as cute as his brother and sister. 

11. i bought new tires and rims for my jeep! and i bought them. not my dad, like i've had four people ask me already. i love them. and i love even more, how much more safe my ride is now. 
and of course, the second day i had my new mud tires, barry and i just had to go and get them muddy.

12. i had quite possible the best christmas i have ever had! mainly because of barry. my first christmas with his side of the family was absolutely wonderful. it was a beautiful day and i got several cute and thoughtful gifts from barry's mom and sister. it was so awesome to get to be a part of a calm clan before the storm and "total chaos" that is my clan. i was happy that barry was game to wear matching pjs with my family and we had a fun time watching all the rowdy kiddies open their new things. i am so very grateful that i have two families i get to spend the holidays with now. two great families at that. 

2015 was full of surprises. 2015 taught me a lot about myself. 2015 made me realize there are more important things besides my job. 2015 helped me sort out my priorities, pushed me to figure out what i really want in this life. now i know that 2016 is going to be the best year yet. hell, i graduated high school 10 years ago and i am astonished at how far i've come from that non-confident, undecided, confused, lonely and wild 18 year old i was then. now i am proud of who i am. i can make decisions for myself and i know that i am on the right path. 
oh, and i read fifty books in 2015! which is ironically just as many rent houses i cleaned.
how was your 2015?
"i paid $28 for that ball. i raked 10 yards and asked my mom for a dollar 26 times. i never worked that hard in my life."
[monster house]

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