Thursday, May 14, 2015

An Explanation

i'm taking a l o n g break from blogging. from this blog, anyway. there's many reasons. i feel like i'm not being true to you about who i am. i'm not a catfish. it's nothing like that, i just what to write about stuff i really feel strongly about. i wanna say things that i hide from you. i want to be me. but i can't be because of some of the readers. i can't tell you things, and really truly write without someone being upset about something i've written. so i just keep to the basics. 

it's not fair, because all my life people have told me "not to be so sensitive." and that's what i would love to shout to the heavens when someone gets upset about what i say. unlike a lot of people though, i'm not being insensitive and i'm just telling it how it is. and for me writing it out, helps me vent. helps me get out my frustrations. helps me lay it out on the table. if i continue to let stuff pile up in my head then i end up exploding. and then you definitely don't want to hear what i have to say when that happens. 

it just sucks for me because 'people' can say i'm being too sensitive all damn day, but when i say something that's on my mind, [aka telling the truth. aka telling it how it is] i'm being rude, or being a "butthole." oh gosh, all i wanna say is, no, i'm sorry you thought that, but i was just pointing out that you were saying the wrong thing. or telling the truth. or informing you that you had wrong information. believe me, i'm not trying to be a butthole. if you really, really new me, you would know that i hate confrontation. if you really, really new me, you would know, that i'd rather not speak it all. but i learned in school, that it isn't always best to say nothing at all. i have learned that i have to talk. i can't just be silent. or you'll get trampled on like i did in most in my younger days.
people give back what they are given. we're only humans. 

now, that i have said that. i feel a million times better just getting it out of my head. sometimes people won't let you explain yourself because you have a "reputation." they won't give you a chance, because they just assume you're being how they saw you that one time.. or acting differently then how they would have. it's hard to get away from a reputation once it's been made. if you got into it with someone 3 years ago..that always pops back up. not the fact that you and that person have been getting along every day since then. nope. that's forgotten. the bad is always remembered before the good. every time. it's sad really. and i hate it. but, as much as i hate this saying, it is what it is. 

i'm not leaving forever and if you blog, i will still be around to read YOUR blog. to give you support, because blogging is easier said then done. i'm really just wanting to get some more content. i hate just giving an update here and there every few months. i have decided to get the internet as soon as my savings is larger than it is now. [my regular savings, not my el camino savings] i'm also considering starting a work blog. for our rental properties. i'm done blogging about gameday i have so many ideas for it, and i'm hoping since i love writing so much that it will help me to grow back to loving my job like i did in the beginning. being able to look back on something you pour your heart into, [blogging/physically doing it] i feel like it will make me to start appreciate it again. there is still one major part of my job that i just love. the main and always the main are the people i work with. both co-workers and tenants. they appreciate me, for me. not my reputation. 

one last thing, please don't let anyone tell you, you are just like this, or just like that. because you're not. you are just like you. you are who you are, not who you act like. 

as always, i will still be around on ye ole instagram. if you don't have one start one today and tell me your username in the comments so i can follow you. i'm @sica_jenkins
man, this girl is ready for summer. 
"iris, in the movies we have the leading lady and we have the best friend. i can tell, you are a leading lady. but for some reason, you're behaving like the best friend."
[the holiday]

1 comment:

  1. Thank you for sharing your life through blogging, I have enjoyed following you. Wishing you all the best and you do deserve the very best. Lisa, Western Australia.