Thursday, May 5, 2011

my bad

I lied.

Yes I confess I lied.

In my defense, I was undercover. "Undercover Landlady." See I just needed a few pointers, from one landlady to another. Well, why not start with one I knew was a good one! The first apt I ever rented was from this particular landlady. And out of the 3 landladies I've had, she was the best.

Hey, she won't even remember me, I'll just go in there and pretend to be a potential tenant. I'll listen for ideas, get a packet of official examples, and hey maybe pick up some good landlady wisdom. Easy enough, she won't even recognize me. I lived in 410 for 6 months & I've cut my hair since...

Hmmm...here's the conversation that was said between myself and, the other landlady, Ms. L.

(Mind you all of this is paraphrased and probably made way more dramatic than what really happened.)
**editor's notes in purple**

Me: "Hello, um I was seeing about getting an application & like a packet or something for an apartment?"

Ms. L: "Sure, come on in! Now how many bedrooms are you wanting?"

Me: "Two." (why didn't I just say one?)

Ms. L: "How many people are going to be in the apt?"

Me: "Two." (crap!)

Ms. L: "You and another adult? Or you & a child?"

Me: "Me and my husband." (lie. Then I think "oh crap" I'm not wearing a ring on that infamous left finger) "Well, my fiancé. He's not my husband, yet" *smiles*

Ms. L: "Well you'll need two forms for everything, yada yada"

(I honestly, wasn't paying attention. I wanted out of there. And I was trying to hide my left hand.)

Ms. L: "Please have a seat. My name is Ms. L. What's your name?"

Me: "Jessica." (there was no way I could give her my last name...she would definitely remember)

Ms. L: "Jessica. So when is you wedding, Jessica?"

Me: "Um, September 17." (I have no clue if that's even a Saturday, could be a Tuesday for all I know.)

Ms. L: "You know, you look really familiar."

Me: "Oh, really?" *smiles genuinely*

Ms. L: "Hm, I don't know. That's funny. So, yada yada"
(I'm freaking out)
Ms. L: "So, Jessica, how did you hear about such & such apartments?"

Me: "Oh just from a couple of old guy friends of mine. Military dudes, ya know." (I met only 2 neighbors the whole time I lived there, couldn't remember his roommate's last name for the life of me.)

Ms. L: "Oh, yeah what were their names?"

Me: "Jon Perry." (she clearly asked for both their names.)

Ms. L: "Oh, I remember that name but can't really remember a face." (She ain't the only one.) "So when do you think you & your fiancé want to move in."

Me: "Oh, wow, that's a good question. Right now we're just trying to pick the location. I love this neighborhood, it's where I grew up."

Ms. L: "Uh huh."

Me: "Yeah we just can't decide. You know how that is?" (cause I don't know how it is, at all.)

Ms. L: "Yes, girl, I understand. Well here's the application, now do you have any questions?"

Me: "No, no, I'll just have to get this home to him and see what he says." (Who is this "him" I'm talking about)

Ms. L: "Okay, that is fine. You and your fiancé (who?) talk this over and y'all can call me if you have any questions."

Me: "Great. Well, it was nice to meet you."

Ms. L: "Yes, it was very nice to meet you too, Jessica"

**we both stand up and shake hands**

Me: "It was nice to meet you." (Crap, you ding dong you already said that.) *turns around and walks out quickly.

*****

I am out of control, right? but at least i got all the information i needed. After looking over their application process I realize that these people don't play. We don't even have an application process...
and i think it's about time we came up with some rules!!

now, where did i put my backbone?

"I'm not crazy i've just been in a bad mood for 40 years."
[steel magnolias]

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